Reply To: Re: JOKES TOPIC
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid).
Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card. (The driver owned the car).
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body).
Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Oh Yeah, I’ll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that…….
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left” she turned around and went home
Below could be answers to what your kid may ask you in future!
Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!
S : Why do women enjoy more than men ?
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
S: Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??
S: Why can a woman not have sex when she is in her periods?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??
S: Why do men not like to wear condoms when they are making love ?
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.
S: Why is making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!
S: WAAO . . father you are GREAT.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container for 15 minutes?
A: It said “concentrate”.
3 sisters got married & went for honeymoon. Mom asked them 2 send feedback sms.
1st daughter’s sms: ‘NESCAFE’
Mom checks out nescafe ad: It read ‘GOOD TO THE LAST DROP’.
Mom smiles.
2nd daughter’s sms: ‘BENSON & HEDGES’
Mom checks out ad: It read ‘KING SIZE, EXTRA LONG’.
Mom smiles again.
3rd daughter’s sms: ‘BRITISH AIRWAYS’
Mom checks out British Airways ad & faints down. It read:
‘3 TIMES DAILY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS!!!
Three guys are in a doctor’s office. One is a drunk, another’s a smoker and the third’s a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.
Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, ââ¬ÅI don’t care if I die, I need a drink.ââ¬Â The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.
Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, ââ¬ÅIf you bend down to pick that up, we’re both dead.ââ¬Â
A woman finds Aladdin’s magic
lamp. She starts rubbing it and a
Genie comes out as usual. The
woman looks at the Genie and
asks him to grant her wishes:
– I want my husband to have eyes
only for me
– I want to be the only one in his
life
– I want him to sleep always by my
side
– I want that when he gets up in
the morning I’m the first thing he
grabs and takes me everywhere
he goes.
The Genie turned her into a Smart
Phone….!!!
A guy in plane stood up n shouted
ââ¬ÅHIJACK !!! ââ¬Â
All passengers got scared n raised
Hands
.
.
.
.
from other end Of the plane a guy
shouted back
ââ¬ÅHi JOHNââ¬Â !!!
Lmao 😆